I’ve only been upset at Paris Hilton once in my life, and it was pretty brief.
I was watching her little home porno video, and right in the middle of giving this young man a blowjob she actually stopped to answer her cell phone.
How RUDE!
I got over it though, and I’ve never had a problem with her since. Hey, it wasn’t me she was being rude to, so what the fuck do I care? To a large percentage of the population though, it seems that hating Paris Hilton is a guilty pleasure bordering on a national obsession.
What’s the deal?
I understand that seeing her everywhere can be annoying, and that she’s got no discernable talent, and all that good shit… but I really don’t understand all the hate.
The day she got out of jail a friend of mine who is normally very rational and intelligent was actually angry. Really fucking pissed.
“Why the fuck should she get out of jail early? She gets home confinement in her fucking mansion? I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit!”
Meanwhile, across the world horrific drama goes on every minute of the day and gets relatively little attention. Bombs drop, and IED’s explode, people die…
Cool, fun loving people that will be sorely missed by their loved ones vanish from the earth every day, but on the news it’s marginalized to a number.
“13 US soldiers lost their lives in battle this weekend, making this one of the deadliest months on record.” Reduced to a number. A 1 in 13. A part of Monday’s update on the weekend’s action for those that went fishing and want to keep up on the count.
But Paris Hilton is BREAKING fucking news.
Even when they’re talking about other shit they’ve got a Paris Hilton update scrolling across the bottom of the screen. “Paris Hilton hasn’t eaten or slept in days!”
Larry King actually devoted at least two entire shows to Paris, and had people that were friends of Paris on.
He asked CRAZY questions, like “Is Paris down to earth?”
“Really?”
I was watching it and that was all I could think. Just “really?”
This whole scenario just seemed like a funny scene in a Judd Apatow movie or something. Just wow… how fucking weird are we?
This is what we care about most while we’re in the middle of this crazy modern day holy war?
I’ve actually heard a conservative talk show host say that if the media concentrated on each and every death and went into detail about it people would lose their taste for the war. He went on to say that the American people, especially the young just don’t understand the sacrifice it takes to keep this great land free.
Speaking of freedom… justice has been served, and it’s back to the slammer for Paris Hilton!
What… the… fuck.
They make fun of this young girl that they don’t even know with glee in their voice.
It’s the ultimate opportunity for people to be a hater. Everyone’s hating, come on in and join the fun!
Paris was at the MTV Movie Awards where Sarah Silverman was hosting, and the crowd’s response to her was nothing short of bizarre. Sarah had some fucking hilarious jokes that she wrote for it that I had seen her working out at the Improv earlier that week. Really funny shit.
But what was weird was that when she mentioned that Paris was going to jail, a huge part of the crowd started cheering. And kept cheering while they saw her on the big screen cringing in the audience.
It was a mass, group hating. It was a free shot, and a lot of people took it. Even people sitting close to her.
They clapped, and cheered, and looked right at her while they did it.
They showed a close up of her face, and you could see the pain and frustration in it. And for what? I really don’t fucking get it.
“She makes me sick because she’s a fucking attention whore, and she’s talentless.” Isn’t being that itself punishment alone? Why do you think that you keep hearing about these nutty Hollywood kids having breakdowns, and going to rehab?
It’s certainly not because they’re super duper happy. That existence itself is probably punishment alone.
The emptiness of it all, the hole that can never be filled… just living life day after day struggling to stay on the top of a big fucked up, fake mountain.
It probably does suck, but most importantly, why does it bother YOU?
I just really don’t understand it.
She’s committed no atrocities, hurt no one, ripped no one off, hasn’t profited off other people’s suffering… she’s just rich. Rich and young and she likes to party and she’s spoiled and she’s never had to work a day in her life.
Oh yeah, and she drove drunk too. Lord knows none of the people hating her have ever done that before and gotten away with it.
“She shouldn’t have been let out early!”
Maybe not, and I absolutely agree that drunk driving is some serious shit and it should be vigorously discouraged, and that jail is a viable punishment for people that can’t get their act together, but the ugly truth, is that the prison system is incredibly over crowded. People are getting out early for all kinds of things.
A buddy of mine just got locked up recently for growing weed. His sentence was somewhere around 90 days, and he did a total of 2. He’s at home now chilling with the same house arrest ankle bracelet deal that they gave to Paris.
I have friends that are cops, and the stories that they tell me about prison are fucking hair raising.
These guys are faced with an incredible amount of prisoners. I suspect that if they feel that you’re not a real danger to society, they would rather let you out and leave the scarier fucks inside. It makes sense to me. The whole prison system is incredibly insane, and I couldn’t imagine the stress that the people running it have to go through.
I personally have a tremendous respect for law enforcement.
I think they are greatly underappreciated. We hear stories about bad cops, but the truth is I’ve met way more cool cops in my life than I’ve met cool actors. A certain percentage of the people in ANY line of work are going to be douche bags, and cops are no exception, but I’ve personally never had a single problem with a cop ever, and it’s because I respect what they do, and I always convey that respect when I talk to them. It may sound like some suck up shit that I’m writing to get me out of my next speeding ticket, but that’s the truth, so help the sweet baby jeebus. There are some really fucked up people out there, and we need cops to keep these motherfuckers away from the rest of us. There’s always going to be a lot of people that should be either be locked away or killed, but in light of how fucked up and crowded the jails are, should there really be a priority in keeping Paris Hilton locked in a cage?
Is it just that some people need to get angry at something, and that she’s just an easy mark? That sort of makes sense.
Maybe instead of encouraging people to be less angry, which certainly has never worked before, maybe we should just help focus all their anger and help them to choose some more worthy targets?
You have a need to be pissed off? You wanna really get outraged? How about this crazy bitch that shot her fucking preacher husband in the back in his sleep with a shotgun, and only got sentenced to 210 days in the pokey.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/08/winkler.sentence.ap/index.html
She’s already been locked up for 5 months, so they’re saying that she may only get 60 more days in a mental hospital because of time served.
Well, that should be just about enough to cure her, right? I mean, she only shot her fucking husband in the back with a shotgun while he was sleeping. No biggie.
60 days should be plenty to cure her of that.
She said in her defense that her husband was abusive, and that he pressured her to wear a wig and large platform shoes during sex.
Well, good thing she shot him in his sleep! That motherfucker was getting out of hand!
A wig AND platform heels? Who the fuck does he think he is, David Lee Roth?
Haliburton was in the news for overcharging taxpayers something like 90 billion dollars and no one bats an eye. My same friend that freaked out about Paris Hilton heard about it on the news and didn’t even react.
The whistle blower in the Enron scam shot himself in the head, TWICE in what was ruled a “suicide,” and no one flinches.
No two Larry King shows. No Nothing.
And it goes on, and on, and on…
“That little rich cunt!”
Every day sons, brothers, and friends come home dead in boxes from a fucked up war in a foreign land, and the only people that freak out are the ones that know them.
It’s gotten so bad that the media are actually forbidden from taking pictures of the flag draped coffins as they’re being shipped stateside, but the cameras never stop taking pictures of the crying little rich girl in the back of the police car.
And please, don’t get me wrong… I’m not immune to the fascination. I watch it like all the other little monkeys.
I tell my self that I’m just a fascinated observer of the culture, and that as a comic paying attention to this shit is part of my job, but there’s no denying that I’m curious. While I was working on my computer I refreshed TMZ.com every 20 minutes with genuine curiosity.
It wasn’t really just because I’m a comedian, I would have done the same thing if I was a plumber. I’m enjoying the drama for some weird reason. I just don’t get the hate.
There’s plenty of really fucked up shit to hate.
War isn’t your thing? Well, how about this? This is probably one of the craziest jail stories ever – There’s a kid from Georgia that was doing 10 fucking years in a cage, because when he was 17 a girl who was 15 at the time gave him a blowjob on video.
Because he’s technically an adult, it was child molestation, and it carries a mandatory sentence. Now in my opinion, ANYONE that thinks that’s fair is a fucking inhuman monster. That’s a KID –a child with a boner. Bill fucking Clinton, an oxford scholar in his 50’s and the former president of the United Fucking States of America couldn’t turn down the forbidden blowjob, and people think this 17-year-old pro wrestling fan from Georgia should posses the wisdom to avoid it? That’s fucking INSANE.
No one thinks that’s fair, but they have to do it that way, because that’s the rule as it’s written down on paper somewhere. THAT is fucking crazy.
Where’s the outrage? Where’s the “Breaking News?”
I think in our heart of hearts we all know that by age 15 most kids are already fucking the shit out of each other.
I know people with their cute, young daughters don’t really want to think about it that way, but the truth is that humans are just little animals, and we start humping as soon as the word gets out about it.
And in this culture, that’s pretty gosh darned quick.
That might actually be the only way we can stop the cattle industry from putting hormones in the beef. If we could prove in a study that the hormones in the beef are making their young daughters suck cock at a younger and younger age every year.
I wonder if Larry King would have a show about that?
Would he have two?
There’s plenty of shit to be pissed about, People. Paris Hilton ain’t one of them.
Good stuff. I totally agree. A wise man you are.
I was saying this type of thing to my parents the other day, I can’t believe what makes “breaking news” nowadays. Like the whole Anna Nicole Smith fiasco, and now this. Don’t people realize that there are real atrocities going on in the world? It’s really to bad that people don’t hear more about them because then people might wake up to what is really going on around them
As what Vincent said! Wise Man.
Now really I’m stuck in a dark little spot in Africa, the bottom in fact – and even here among the unwashed and restless natives – the breaking news Paris – I agree there’s nothing to hate about Paris.
In fact she might just very well be the Joan-of-L Ark on the shitstack off which the media feeds – erm rather pretty shit-stack – people don’t want to read or see or be updated from the reality shit-stack!
Well the news editors-in-charge appear to think a Paris/Joan update is worthy on all parts of the planet – wtf? I’m dodging lions/ bears and JW’s @ my door – I think I’ve got better things to worry about – I just wish it wasn’t radiowaves sucking on some pretty’s pain!
My god I’m such a stoner – I forgot to make my point – … what was it agin…
ah yes the
unwashed masses… restless natives…poor people in africa not being able to affect the other side of the planet….hows your media scare about you’re traveling XDR-TB patient; listen sorry about that this little disease got nasty while we weren’t looking or watching pretty paris.
I hear the USA XDR-TB patient is contained (handy his pa is the WHO TB man) … here we send them home…
2010 we’re going to host the Soccer world Cup – and export the world’s worst killer.
SA-1 & SA-2 – 100% Kill Rate… 16 days….
Will I make Pari’s release…..???
Will the yoU SA??????
Cough Cough Splutter!!!
Well said. This love to hate Paris Hilton thing aint just in America either man, its all over the world to some degree. I know that from talking on messageboards. Shit, I’m in Ireland and I almost got sucked into it, until I realised there are far more important things to worry about than some rich lazy chick going to jail.
Its an interesting sociological thing how nobody bats an eyelid to the real issues, but gets angry about this shit. Maybe its because people know subconsciously that they’re being fucked in the ass, and have been for a long time, and somebody like Paris Hilton provides them with an easy scapegoat to take out all that subconscious hatred on. Like a collective unconscious thing. Whatever…
Peace love and good smoke,
Matt
Wow, ya that cleared my head right up. I wasn’t sure whether to hate her or what. The news is insane along with a lot of mass media in general, so who knows who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s just a lot of misdirection and disinformation. People are psychologically programmed by mass media because that’s all there is to do. The problem with that is, I’m not sure people even believe in psychology so they don’t even know it’s happening. I know when I get super pissed about something, it’s usually because i haven’t seen or heard hardly anything really funny or entertaining all week. That’s fucked up, isn’t it? Anyway, I’m right there with you on all that stuff you said. It just takes somebody with a clearer head to say it.
Joe, you are a very wise man. This blog really put things into perspective for me. I am not a Paris fan, but I’m not a hater either. I just don’t understand why Paris, Lindsay & Britney dominate our airwaves. There is so much suffering in the world right now…why can’t we do something to fix all that instead of focusing on them? Our men & women are dying everyday in a senseless war that needs to be stopped. Why can’t we focus on ending the war?!?! I know people don’t want to hear bad news…but that’s just tough! The networks need to get back to reporting news…not tabloid fodder. Isn’t that what E! is for???
Because that’s the role she chose to play. That’s why.
Hi, I’m Samantha. Just your typical Joe Rogan fan. I found your blog while collecting material for a quick blog post of my own. I know one particular Mexican Feminazi is going to read it. I also know that if she doesn’t lash out on the behalf of Carlos Mencia like Charlton Heston with two thick globs of molasses hanging from his chest, then she’ll be choking it back. In that case, she’ll come back with something like, “You know, Joe Rogan really is an asshole. See Examples 1, 2, and 3.”
Paris is the same thing. It’s not hate. It’s disgust as a by-product of self-loathing. Unfortunately for language-based communication, “hate” has a nicer ring to it and, like “love,” it is a word applied more liberally than lubrication ‘twixt the nethers of that nice Tijuana girl who offers rides to ponies. Paris’s life is the tragedy we (general “we”) enjoy as a spectator sport. At one time, we grinned toothlessly at public executions. Then, we stared at car wrecks like saucer-eyed anime monkeys. Then, Fear Factor aired and we never had to leave the couch again. Dick in one hand, Doritos in the other, and cruel and unusual punishment on the screen. Heaven is a place on earth, baby.
Personally, I don’t hate Paris Hilton. I don’t care. If I could actually conjure up hate for the wholly ineffective offspring of some hotel mogul (who has zero social/political/economic/religious/et cetera influence on my life), I would conclude that I am in desperate need of a fucking hobby. At the very least, I’d google hot comics on the internet. I know very little about you and you are still much more interesting than Paris. Truly, I want to ask Paris fanatics the same question I would ask those who weave baskets, obsess over their bad relationships, or engage in any other altogether fruitless and frustrating activity. Wouldn’t you rather be doing one of twenty other fucking things? But that’s not the question on the table.
Of course Bob American is in desperate need of a hobby. We’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic, and rather than go out and work it off, we invent drinks with negative calories and diet pills – the newest of which (Alli) makes liquid fat fly out your ass. Rather than get up and savor life, people prefer to judge Paris Hilton while wearing a diaper. According to the results of the last presidential election, a little more than 50% of the American population wants to revert to infancy. And people say Paris is fucked up.
Which is my point; You’re asking for reason from an unreasonable hivemind. I would say that you can’t change people, but enlightenment is one of the core elements of comedy.
So why is Paris Hilton the target of the mob? She’s an heiress who rode the sex-tape scandal camel for what seemed like years. Big deal, right? The internet has seen both our naked asses, and who hasn’t filmed themselves having sex? Fuck, my porn debuted at a small NYU film festival and nobody cares. Dick could strap on a plastic plane, set it on fire, repeatedly plunge it into the bulbous peach atop Jane’s towering legs, screaming out Allah’s name as he did it, all under the rusted old nose of the Statue of Liberty, and no one would care. You know it’s not about the sex. After all, no one is targeting their zoom lens toward Goatse.
It’s bigger than that, and you know the story, Joe. Everybody loves it; That’s why it repeats all over the place. It’s the fall of the favorite son.
It’s not the sex. It’s not even the money. It’s the continued (admittedly, it seems almost endless) fall from grace. We love that shit. We’ve been burning, stabbing, beheading and dismembering our royalty for centuries.
The greater the fame, the greater the fall, and the former fans race after him, lapping up the blood before it cools. [Insert Blood of Christ joke]
It doesn’t matter that she’s not brilliant, exceptionally beautiful, particularly interesting, or funny. She’s in a position of power and she’s a fuck-up. Yes, CEOs fuck up all the time, but she rode into town on a big, pink-and-purple donkey wrapped in Christmas lights. She’s a clown show. She always has been. When Bob Waspenstein steals one million dollars, it’s offensive. When Chaplin slips on a banana, it’s comedy.
What is comedy? It’s a caricature of real life, a pleasurable transformation of pain. That’s where comedy comes from; it’s a coping mechanism that makes us feel better about tragedy. We joke about politics, relationships, family, celebrities, religion, disease, global issues, war, everything that causes us discomfort. Nobody ever tells jokes about how goddamn happy they are. Nobody wants to hear that shit.
But we recognize the ridiculous as a source of entertainment. The more extreme, the better. We’re like drug addicts begging the media to find a new way to get us high. Celebrities are like big fucking drag queens who are just short of setting themselves on fire just to outdo one another. I’m waiting for the celebrity case where a movie star was discovered fornicating with his dog, and, as per the legalese in certain states, it’s up to his attorney to prove that Fluffenstuff enjoyed it. Meanwhile, we’ll have to settle for the White Chicks stunt double making an ass of herself.
As a civilization, we are fascinated with the suffering of others. As a mob, we have an insatiable sadistic appetite. Always have. Why? Is that your question? The simple answer is “ego.”
Insecure people need to tear down the people they worship in order to quiet their own self-loathing, and insecurity is right up there with depression in this country. Doesn’t matter who you are, what you do, what you look like, there’s some motherfucker out there who would love to see you stoned to death because it would make them feel a little better about themselves.
Judging someone is like advising them; it requires you to be (or pretend to be) above them. By judging people, we are able to assume/consume whatever power we imagine them to have. By judging Paris, they become better than a rich, (conventionally) beautiful young girl.
And it’s not unique to celebrities. People are laughed at for inanity all over the world. One boy scout wipes his ass with poison ivy – he never lives it down. One man streaks through Central Park; all of New York City glances twice at the paper. Quayle misspells “potato” and the whole country laughs. The number of people who respond to you is relative to your fame, but I don’t know that the reaction on an individual basis is altogether that different. Really, is our fascination with celebrity dirt different from a gaggle of housewives gossiping at Walmart?
Maybe it is. As it relates to a celebrity, people can fantasize that they have an intimate relationship with a star. It’s the sense that, in reading about people’s lives, we develop a deep and personal connection with them. We know their secrets. We have a deep understanding of their inner being, or so the tabloids would lead us to believe. Whether that’s indicative of our typical relationship scenario, I don’t know. Maybe we, as a society, project and receive, like two people talking “to” each other, as opposed to “with” each other, and that habitual behavior reinforces this demented little fantasy. I don’t know why it happens, but it does.
By maintaining an emotional investment in the lives of celebrities, people feel as if they are somehow connected to greatness. By knowing greatness, by judging greatness, they are the fantasized peer of greatness. We forget our sins while we cast stones. Again, human nature.
You want news? Friend of mine dies of dehydration at a nature camp at the feet of a guide who refused to give him water. I write an article about the camp. I write another about the boot camp that killed Martin Lawrence (14 year old, suffocated by seven guards within three hours of arriving – video). I write a third about Straight, the anti-drug organization that has treated over 50,000 American children and is regarded as one of the most abusive institutions ever to exist. But Melvin Sembler, the guy who runs it, backed G.W. Bush’s campaign, so, after he was sued in dozens of abuse cases, he became the ambassador to Italy. Straight still exists, by the way, under the name DFAF, and still receives millions of federal dollars.
You could propose I have a bleeding heart. I’d say that’s unreasonable, considering two of the kids in my prissy, whitebread home area (a few miles from Bridgewater) won suits, one was punched in the face by three guards for thirty minutes, and the other, a physically and emotionally tortured girl with a learning disability, won about four million. The victim who took to the news, though, was Samantha Morrie, who was forced to live in a small room with no toilet for weeks on end, enduring rape by the guards and subsequent abortion. For what little it may amuse you, Ray Bradbury, one of Straight’s former patients, stole Sembler’s penis pump and put it up on Ebay.
You (general “you”) write stories about bad sex, you get hundreds of comments. You write posts about a thriving organization which is America’s leader in institutionalized child abuse, you get maybe twenty-five responses. Fifteen of them will be from abuse survivors. All the other readers will wait for the dust to settle and go back to reading the funnies.
Why? Because we don’t sympathize with the pain of comedic figures. We (the audience) aren’t expected to show empathy for their pain. That’s why we pity starving children, change the channel and laugh at starving celebrities. And, because no one likes to feel sorrow, people ignore the dying troops, the homeless vets, the emotional trauma and mental strain suffered by the average police officer. We want to be amused by the freak show. We don’t want to have to feel sorry for them. It’s human nature. It’s Fear Factor. There’s no pity, there. Happy feel good, sad feel bad. Get more happy. Simple as hamsters with the food button.
Where does this soulless selfishness come from? Maybe sympathy and compassion are things we learn. Children fry ants. As we grow older and become people of character, we recognize the wrongness in torturing indiscriminately. But underneath it all, there’s still that part of our brain, that childlike part, that loves to fry ants.
And you’re asking why a nation of fat, diapered babies behave like children. I’m not suggesting that we’re part of some elitist group. I’m suggesting that the public is an anonymous “we” that cannot be held accountable, individually, for its actions. And, if we could not be held accountable for our actions, people would lie, cheat, and steal with every pulse of their heart. If something else were true, we wouldn’t need gods to threaten us with eternal suffering in order to behave like good people.
What I don’t understand, will probably never understand, is why these people go out, seemingly with the intention to fan the flames. What the hell was Paris doing at the MTV Movie Awards? Why couldn’t she watch them at her house? Have a party with her friends? I’m not suggesting that she buy a bunker and hide out for the next twenty years. I’m saying, if I made an ass of myself in front of my twenty friends, I would try to keep a low profile for a while until they forgot about it. If I had eighty friends, the same would apply. Paris happens to have millions of eyes watching her. Fortunately, the American public has an attention span of a few days. If she would just Sit Back for seven goddamn days, we would forget she was ever alive. Celebrities are prosecuted all the damn time. Only when they spout anti-Semitic rants do we take notice.
You want to solve her problems? Get her hooked on the UFC, Fear Factor, and the Man Show. I swear to god, more women love those shows than men. And, by the time she comes up for air, the public will have forgotten who she is. Everybody wins.
As for the priorities of the public, you discover a way to change that and I will fetch your ale and whores until your appetite for entertainment is sated.
There really is no elegant way to tie this into a recent entry, so…
You’re my favorite comedian and just thinking about last night makes my face ache. I was referring someone to your unquotable, inimitable material, and I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard since the last time I watched it. You have a brilliant sense of humor and my friends and I thoroughly enjoy your work. It’s unusual to hear truly new material in comedy, but yours is fresh, personal, scathingly truthful, and spun in a way with which we can all relate. Lastly, though you may prefer comedy, it should be said that you are one of the highlights of the UFC.
That’s all. Thank you for getting up in front of the camera all the time. On top of the women who want you and then men who want to be you, there are a lot of us who simply can’t wait to see what you’ll say next.
Suppose the problem with getting angry to something is that there’s so much of it you just get numb of it all. People need to went off because they are too fed up, tired and frustrated of all the garbage in the world.. The likes of Paris make easy targets for that and we all love to cross where the river is at it’s shallowest.
Damn I hope Tito beats Rashad tonight. I predict it will go to decision and Tito will win. I didn’t know they were even fighting until yesterday so I didn’t ask anybody to split the cost with me. Now I’m stuck watching Live Earth. I saw where Rashad made fun of Tito about crying. I bet he is going to pay for that. Well , I just had to get that out of my system. Nice announcing man. Are you not allowed to make predictions on your blog? Because I can’t imagine you not writing about that.
Why not use the same logic you made with Paris on Carlos Mencia? You spend your free time trying to bitch out people who’ve made it into the comedy industry like Carlos for the sake of… well I REALLY dont know why the fuck you do it. You CAN NOT have a fulfilling life if you spend it making fun and ruining other people’s lifes. You’re a fucking cocksucker and I hope you die. I dont have any clue as to why anyone would even like you, you will NEVER be famous , you will NEVER be even good at comedy or anything else. You have no tallent, and no life. I hope you fucking kill your self you flaming fagot
Best wishes,
Ed Turner
“How RUDE!”
Stephanie Tanner style, Nice.
Geez, no SHIT. Maybe Larry King should do a show (or two) on this blog and the fact that everyone’s shallow concepts are completely taking over. Thanks again for a little perspective.