Well played, Monsterquest
Honoring my commitment to keeping this blog has presented me with some interesting challenges. For one thing, in order to write these blogs I actually have to have something to say.
Well quite honestly, some times I really don’t have anything interesting going on in my head. I think what happens is that I go through mental hills and valleys where I’m thinking about a million different things all day long, and then I’ll go through a day or two where I don’t want to think about shit.
Sometimes I just want to live my life. It’s like I take these little mini vacations from thinking. Every few weeks or so I’ll take a few days where I just watch dumb shit on TV, aimlessly surf the web, work out, eat and sleep. On those days I try not to think about anything important.
No federal bailout, no war in Gaza, no fat pictures of Jessica Simpson – I just sort of shut off. Instead of my usual constant internal dialogue and analysis of the nature of everything, I just concentrate on regulating my energy and being positive.
I just try to watch things that I want to watch, do whatever activities I want to do, and avoid anyone I don’t feel like talking to.
Right now I’m in that exact state of mind, but I’ve got to make a new blog so I’m sitting in front of the TV trying to catch up on my DVR’ed episodes of monsterquest.
I have a real love/hate relationship with this show. I look forward to the episodes, but they’re almost always the most unsatisfying things you’ll ever watch.
I hope and I pray every week that they’re finally going to have some answers, but every week they leave me hanging.
These motherfuckers never catch SHIT. It doesn’t matter if they go looking for a chupacabra, or the Loch Ness monster, or Bigfoot – it doesn’t matter, because they’re not finding shit.
For whatever reason though, like a lot of people I’m fascinated by the possibility of someone finding some previously unknown creature. It’s really a retarded hope in this day and age, because if they really had found conclusive proof that Bigfoot was real I’m sure I would have heard about it long ago on the internet. You wouldn’t have to wait until after the commercial break to find that out. It would be pretty big news.
I have no idea why I’m fascinated with undiscovered creatures, especially when there’s actual real, live creatures that are way more interesting, we’re just used to them being around.
Human beings have this weird feature where we grow used to things and then don’t appreciate them as much. I guess it’s a feature that discourages complacency and encourages us to keep moving, making progress more likely because of that hunger for new things and experiences.
The thing about this trait is that it seems to follow us in every aspect of life; in sex, in the work we do, even in how we look at animals.
There are so many people out there looking for Bigfoot, but honestly it’s not even a particularly exciting animal even if it was real. If Bigfoot was a real and commonly known animal we would capture those bitches and they would be in a fucking cage in the zoo right next to the chimps and the gorillas. It’s just because we’re not sure if he’s real that makes him interesting. For whatever reason we’re just suckers for mystery.
I mean there are real life animals that are way-fucking cooler than Bigfoot, and we never think of them as even being special because we’re used to them.
Take the killer whale for instance.
I mean, what the fuck does a sasquatch do that’s so special? I mean, if they’re real, as far as we know they just do regular stuff that other animals do, like eating, shitting, and making babies – nothing particularly crazy. What do Killer whales do that’s so special? They fucking murder sharks.
Everything in the fucking ocean is afraid of sharks, but not killer whales – they eat them. They’re super intelligent, and they’re mean as fuck. They kill dolphins and whales too. Ruthlessly slaughtering them in front of their pods.
One thing they don’t eat though, is people.
We have no idea why, either.
It’s not because we’re particularly nice to them. Just look at sea world alone – we lock them in these shitty little swimming pools and we make them do tricks for fish.
There have been a couple instances of killer whales attacking their trainers, and one instance of them actually killing a trainer, which is pretty mild stuff when you consider how many stories there are of prisoners killing guards.
In the wild killer whales on many occasions have actually helped people that have fallen out of their boats and carried them back, pushing them up to the boat so that their fellow humans can rescue them. That’s pretty fucking crazy when you think about it.
Could you imagine if killer whales weren’t known to exist, but there were stories of these gigantic, super-intelligent predators that lived in the ocean, breathed air, killed sharks, and helped people?
That would be one of the nuttiest fake animals ever, and if you believed in it people would think you were fucking crazy, just the same way they look at you now if you believe in the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot.
I mean, has Bigfoot ever rescued someone? Of course not. That furry faggot is too busy eating berries and hiding from cameras.
The truth is that if it was all the other way around, and Bigfoot was commonly known and killer whales were a mystery, killer whales would be WAY more fucking interesting.
If we found out they were real it would be on the front page of every newspaper and magazine in the world.
The episode I’m watching tonight is on cattle mutilations. They tease you with testimony from researchers that believe UFO’s are responsible, and that the wounds these cows receive couldn’t be recreated with a scalpel. They lead you on a tease you, right up until the end of the program where an expert on animal predation shows how it’s probably just coyotes chewing holes in these corpses. Roll the credits.
The motherfuckers got me again. Well played, Monsterquest. Well played.
Very good points Joe. I remember watching a Documentary on killer whales when they were debating whether they fed on sharks, looking for that now. I didn’t know they’ve helped humans get back to land though.
Another animal that is out of this world is the Octopus. No bones, 1 beak, 3 hearts, 8 legs, giant eyes, skin that can change to any color, shape, or texture. Some can make themselves look like other animals (ie. mimic Octopus). They can travel on land for short distances, spray ink at predators rendering their sense of smell useless. One of the most intelligent animals. I remember in one documentary a lab biologist showed how one figured out how to unscrew the lid off a jar to get the food inside.
We actually do discover new animals with a fair amount of regualrity (put ‘discover new scpeies’ into google news for several stories) but the problem is that they are insects, micro-organisms, or deep sea creatures rather than ones we think / want to exist like sasquath and nessie. There are insane incredible REAL animals we are finding that make mythical and sci-fi creatures look mundane but they lack marketing or some shit and thus get mostly ingored.
hey man…i hate to comment here like this…but “contact admistrator” link isn’t working and don’t know wtf is up.
when i try to register or view your forum, it says the admin has banned my ip. I’ve never even accessed the site before, so i don’t know why i would be banned.
anything you can do?
keep writing!
Joe
God you have no idea how addicted i am to monsterquest,one day we will be vindicated with real evidence .My wife just dont get why i watch every show that tries to find big foot and other like it allllllllllll the time
until then if you want to see a live big foot Vinny from tuf 8 should be training with eddie on tuesday-thursday in the a.m hours come roll with him .
Joe…big fan of ur style. great for comedy. i from your old stomping grounds (newton), so i hear, so i guess i can tell a good joke when i see one. i just wanna ask you…what do you think of this entilted uppity fuck called ‘dane cook’ from arlington. I mean then i see this fucker carlos menica….fucking thief. I mean I know hes not really a true hispanic when i see guys like ALEX RODRIGUEZ come forth and tell the truth about fucking up instead of DENYING the fuck out of a false career! Are you worried about the future of comedy? You think america is getting too liberal and naive? let me hear your input man…
ross a
Hey man,
I never laughed so hard as when you called BIgfoot a “furry faggot that eats berries”. I pictured him giving another sasquatch a BJ and seriously peed my pants a little bit. I am addicted to all those paranormal type shows and feel the same disappointment and then think how fucking dumb am I that I thought “this is the time……I know it”.
On another note I get to see you in Columbus and I am going to the UFC fights so I hope I get to meet you. I am going to the late show at the Funny Bone so hopefully you do a little Q and A after. I am driving 450 miles to see you and I am super excited. I love your blog too by the way. See you March 6th and 7th bro.
There was a pod of Orcas that came down as far as San Francisco to the Farrallone Islands. Two of them killed a Great White and a biologist and a boatload of tourist saw it. There is a full account in ‘Devil’s Teeth’ on p. 184. That’s an amazing book.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFM1M1QuFD8&feature=related
I went to the Farralones to cage dive with the White Sharks. We saw two Great Whites eat an elephant seal. Unbelievable!
[...] critique was written by Joe Rogen, past host of “Fear Factor,” and can be found on his blog. In October 2008, there was a full page review, “I Was A Monster Virgin,” in [...]