An open letter to Kellogg’s re: Michael Phelps
Dear, Kellogg’s.
I’m writing this letter to express my disappointment in your company in firing Michael Phelps as a spokesperson for your products because he was photographed while enjoying some marijuana.
I respectfully would like to communicate my opinion on this matter because I think it’s of great public interest.
First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most fucked up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.
That’s it.
Marijuana has never killed anyone EVER in over 10,000 years of use. We’re not protecting people from themselves, we’re not saving the children – it’s just a horribly illogical law that is in place because of corruption and propaganda.
The fact that it’s against the law is just a disgusting reminder of how retarded our system is, not a reasonable reaction to a proven threat to society.
I have to say, this whole thing saddens me, because I personally would like to think that as Americans we’re better than this. These television news anchors will shake their heads at the thoughtless mistake Mr. Phelps had made by “smoking dope,” and then without even the tiniest sense of irony they will cut to a beer commercial.
This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave, right? We’re not supposed to be a nation of little bitches giving in to the whims of corrupt politicians and the pharmaceutical companies whose interests they’re representing.
It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no fucking way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves.
THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely fucking un-American.
I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol.
Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit.
I find your reactions to Mr. Phelps situation both ignorant and short sighted.
I think what would have been a far better response from Kellogg’s would be to support Mr. Phelps, and perhaps point out that maybe we as a society should take a closer look at the evidence and possibly reconsider our position on this misunderstood plant that so many of our productive citizens find useful.
Now, I’m sure if you really were running Kellogg’s and you were still reading my bullshit all the way down to this, you must be thinking, “Why the hell would we stick our necks out like that for pot smokers?”
And of course the answer to that question would be, because we buy your shit, motherfucker.
Do you guys even know your consumer statistics? Well, let me fill you in on some of my own personal scientific research on the subject, because I have been closely studying my own purchases for over 20 years, and I can tell you that I’ve been high 100% of the time I’ve bought your shit.
I mean, do you guys ever think about what you sell?
Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their fucking minds.
Just to be perfectly clear on my position, I would like you to know that I enjoy your products. I think many of them are quite tasty, but lets be honest; you guys sell sugar-drenched shit that’s horrible for your body – in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot – and you market this shit specifically to children.
You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it.
Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand my point, because I in no way want anything bad to happen to your company. Like I said, I genuinely enjoy your products.
There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops. Your company and its products have been a part of some very pleasurable moments in guilty eating, and I’m glad you’re around.
All I’m saying is that it’s high time (no pun intended) that you motherfuckers respect the stoner dollar. There’s WAY more of us than you might think, and we tend to get upset about dumb shit like this. There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it.
I think if you looked into it carefully, you would be surprised at how many undercover potheads there are out there. Pot smokers don’t all fit into the obvious, negative stereotypes; we come in all shapes and forms – including by the way, the form of the greatest fucking swimmer who ever lived, EVER.
Think about THAT shit for a second..
So in closing, I would like to ask you nice folks to please smarten the fuck up.
I would request that you check the calendar and note that it’s 2000 and fucking 9, and next time you think about getting all uppity about pot you might want to do a quick google search on the facts.
It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg’s products: Eggo waffles.
I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving fuck out of them.
Good day, sirs.
Yours truly,
Joe Rogan.
hahahaha, way to go joe !
)
hahaha
nice blog joe
Please make this a petition, they are a big corporation ALL they listen to is numbers, if this was somehow an online petition to get Phelp’s rehired (seeing as he is still the greatest Olympian of all time) I’m sure it could get 100,000+ signatures easily just by people spreading it through twitter and other networking sites.
“Please make this a petition, they are a big corporation ALL they listen to is numbers, if this was somehow an online petition to get Phelp’s rehired (seeing as he is still the greatest Olympian of all time) I’m sure it could get 100,000+ signatures easily just by people spreading it through twitter and other networking sites.”
i’m gonna forward this around. lets show kellog their consumer base!
signed technocrat.
that is certainly a work of art, Mr Rogan
Besides being funny as shit, your post brings up a bunch of great points. I don’t ever see weed being legal, but I could only imagine how nice it would be. So many government resources are wasted on dealing/punishing stoners, so many people die in drug wars, but in the end, money is deity the gov worships.
Joe i’m jealous broski, I heard train wreck was truly worthy of it’s title!
effin’ brilliant, sir.
Personally, I enjoy a bowl of Fruity Pebbles (A Post product) after a bowl of trees. So on that note, I’m totally ready to boycott the shit out of Kellogs. Who’s with me? YEAHCOMMON!
CHECK OUT THIS LINK!!!!
http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/12/03/marijuana-stash.html
turns out i’m not the only one who wants to be buried with my supply.
the only reason marijuana was made illegal in the thirties is because they knew the oil extracted from the seed was three times more efficient than petroleum. so you can blame the collapse of our economy, our dependance on rag-headed sand niggers for oil, the rise of the bush regime to power and michael phelps’ unemployment (the only american hero to have brought home 8 gold medals in one olympic sport) on pot being illegal still. thanks pharmacuetical industry. oh, and i’m glad pot’s illegal. i can’t wait to see what chemicals the cigarette companies have in store for that product when it’s finally made legit.
Mr. Rogan…great article/blog.
As a Professional making 90+k/year, I enjoy trees as well. I do not fall under some ignorant stereotype for a “Pot Smoker”.
P.S. I am joining the call to boycott Kellogg’s Product lines until an apology is issued and/or the re-sign Michael Phelps and would others on here may do the same.
“There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it.”
Right.
Cap’n Crunch could murder a continent — stoned, seventeen year old, visual art majors will still be stumbling past my apartment, excavating the roofs of their mouths with cereal’s answer to a sack of angle grinder.
I constantly beat my so called “straight” friends at every sport or game, from jits to chess, and I’m high the whole time. With Phelps being the best EVER on the biggest stage, what the fuck does that say about weed? Oh, well you can be a world champ and perhaps the best of all time.
Hey Joe, I enjoyed the letter. Given your position on the subject, its gotta be a little weird having to do a Spike TV: DEA promotion in the middle of your UFC broadcast. I know I had a chuckle at the irony of you interviewing a guy involved in delivering a glorified presentation of the so-called ‘War on Drugs’ to viewing audiences. Ahhh the price you pay for the greatest job in the world. Keep up the tremendous work.
Open Letter to Joe,
As my first comment on your site I would like to implore you to become the national face/voice of the end of prohibition. Have you seen the douches that are currently leading us?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMe61RzdTPA
We need you to stand up and speak for us. You are the perfect person to go head to head with these incredible assholes in the federal government. Stand up for all of us who aren’t typical stoner assholes.
I’m in my second year of law school and herb is a daily part of my life. We need a strong voice to turn the public’s opinion and shut down the govt propaganda. I know that you are involved in MPP, just make a power grab and I know that there will be thousands behind you.
Thanks,
Seth
hey joe,
i like your blogs…they are about the only thing over one or two paragraphs that i will continue to read online. question: have you ever considered writing a book? also, what books do you like, what would you recommend?
Joe, again – thoroughly impressed with balls, my good sir.
Also, per my message yesterday – I went ahead and setup a little site to showcase the 2005 Live show. If you approve, I would love to stick on the page a Rogan Approved Stamp Rogan05.com Brutal. Brilliant. Raw
[...] recently read your letter on Kellogg’s firing Michael Phelps. We were baffled at just how moronic it was. Don’t get us wrong, we loved you in News Radio. [...]
Hear hear! Great post Joe.
From a PTA, pot smoking soccer mom.
Goodstuff Joe!
if you`re ever in Vancouver, British Columbia make sure to blog it.
It would be my pleasure to blaze you up with some primo Kush from BC.
Stay real bro!
British Columbia thoroughly approves of this message. Thanks for making some solid points, Joe.
Mr. Rogan,
Although I personally am against marijuana use, you are absolutely spot-on with your assesment of how hypocritical and corrupt not only our nation’s corporations are; but our government as well.
The two most destructive and deadly forces in our country, in my opinion, is alcohol and tobacco. Both are sold freely in our society, and both are making a riduculously staggering profit from it.
I wish someone like yourself would run for President. I would vote for you, Pop-Tarts, doobies and all! I think millions of other real Americans would do the same.
God Bless,
DBear
Check out http://www.supportmichaelphelps.com/ to follow this story and show your support.
[...] Quite entertaining. “I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches [Kellogg's Eggo Waffles] into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods” [...]
[...] The Joe Rogan Blog » An open letter to Kellogg’s re: Michael Phelps] Share [...]
you are one fucked up blogger mr rogan.hahahaha
And we’re giving chimps and dogs Xanax? And they’re still attacking people.
[...] a spokesperson after Phelps was caught in a picture taking a hit off a bong. Rogan posted an open, profanity-laced letter to Kellogg’s on his blog. In it, he says that the company should have supported Phelps, and reminded Kellogg’s that [...]
we need more people like you leading this nation…the real punchline is that you are a comedian and yet the SMARTEST damn person in all public media regarding such simple issues as this. the only real wisdom on this subject and its you. everyone else runs around like decapitated chicken in the rain, and you just make them look like the idiots they are. after we fix the voting fraud, i would love to at least imagine making a vote that counted for someone who was worth it such as yourself.
[...] read… [...]
shame you missed 4:20=/
I stopped buying Kellogg’s products the very day I heard the news and will NEVER buy anything from them ever again. I urge other pot heads around the world to do the same!
RT
http://www.anonymity.eu.tc
I liked you in Fear Factor … Absolutely hate you and goldberg for UFC commentating…
but this Letter I love. Thanks
[...] http://blog.joerogan.net/archives/454 [...]
[...] Originally Posted by Paul Harris Sweet mother of god where is the link to this? The Joe Rogan Blog » Conduit to the Gaian Mind An open letter to Kellogg’s re: Mich… [...]
[...] comic and, overall, a pretty intelligent guy. That means he can fuck your life up with words. Badly. Joe recently sat down at his computer and posted a blog where he verbally assaults the Kelloggs Company to the extent that, if it had been a physical [...]
Boycott Kellog Brand Foods
http://www.kelloggcompany.com/contactus.aspx
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Dear Kellog’s
I just want to make you aware that your actions taken towards Olympic Hero Michael Phelps is downright despicable. He is the greatest swimmer that ever lived and brought our nation glory in accomplishing a feet that no other human being has ever done. This is my ‘why?’
My ‘what’ is simply this. I am a pot smoker who buys your product. Correction; I WAS a pot smoker who used to buy your product. As a Michigan native it is especially painful for me to make this decision but for you to do what you did is completely uncalled for. You obviously have no idea how much junk food we stoners eat. We are one of your larger sized demographics and you spat in our face. Through the internet there are going to be petitions and organized boycotts of ALL Kellog brand products until you apologize to Mr. Phelps and to us marijuana users.
Did your company not think that this would happen? You think you can just take us for granted like that? You can justify your actions with outdated laws and tradition but when the dust settles you will be out millions of dollars as a result of your short minded thinking.
You may think you’re doing the right thing but we are going to hit you where it hurts. Your wallets. Try to explain to your stockholders then “that you had their best interests in mind”. Time to wake up and get to know your customers.
You say they can’t patent a plant, maybe not but they can make a shit load of money off of it. Tobacco is a plant, they sell that.
I think another reason why pot should be legal is because there are some good jobs out there that people can’t get because they want to take a clump of your hair or make you piss in a cup.
I wrote a similar letter (not nearly as good though) to Subway. It seems that A LOT of ganj-lovers did. I basically stated that if they check with their land-developing dept. they will see that there will probably be a Quizno’s shop within a 5-block radius. A stoned supporter wlll think nothing of crossing the street for a $5.00 sub.
I also wrote that they should be ashamed for condemning a young person for doins what every, single college age student experiences AT LEAST ONCE in their college career. Give me a break.
Subway came back the following week stating that they were not dropping Michael Phelps. I can only assume that A LOT of high folks wrote in. Good Job!
P.S. If I were M. Phelps I wouldn’ve denied that was me in the pic. It looks a lot more like Joe from the side hitting that bong than it does like Phelps.
Ooo – I also sent a letter to Quiznos telling them that if Subway drops Michael Phelps, they should pick him up for endorsement. That would’ve been their biggest campaign ever!
haha… i can’t believe you eat shit like pop-tarts or fruit-loops. you’re putting complete garbage into your system. i though this was your black-belt year?
i for one will not be purchasing anything made by kellogs. i need to research what other brands they employ.
holy fuck my farts stink…
Open Letter to Joe Rogan
Thank God for Joe Rogan…! Your stance is of course the stance of all potheads; in fact, I expressed my position in the New York Times by posting a comment to an article about it.
You however, have star-power.
You are obviously an intelligent fucking human-being with more than 2 IQ points. If you were to dress this up a bit…say, remove the vulgarities…and submit it to the New York Times, perhaps you’ll get the point across: We, potheads, are no longer to be fucked with.
And, guess what? If the Times refuses, post their response here, and I guarantee I will never buy another New York Times again, until they post your piece. If they do print it, they would almost guarantee a huge bump in sales, both in print and online(hell yeah I’d buy a print copy of your op-ed piece!).
We need you to show the world, that we REAL men of America can bashheads, spank tight cheerleader asses, read books, solve equations AND smoke pot!
You have my full support Joe. I’m off to read your other articles…
Sincerely,
LordByron13
Hey Joe, you’re awesome and so is your site. A great place for logical thinkers to hang-out.
It’s too bad that everybody can’t see how stupid that law is. To many people are born into this world and don’t question anything, they just follow everybody else and defend aggressively against things they no nothing about. Joe I wish you would have added the fact that religion played a big roll in getting that law made. Some people of the church realized that it opens minds, and in turn may cause people to question the bible. With the combination of politicians and bible humpers there is no way in hell we’ll see this law abolished in our lifetime. After we distroy our world and Jesus DOSEN’T come to save us; then maybe people will open their eyes to the wold around them and let the fairytale go. I won’t be holding my breath. Why does there have to be so many dumb fucks in this world? Thankfully I can escape from them (illegally).
Keep Kepping it real
Mercker
I am officially a Joe Rogan fan. I have always watched UFC and saw some Fear Factors, but I would never say I was a fan,…until now.
This was the most insightful and intelligent letter I have EVER read!
I completely agree and have been emailing anyone I know to read it because it is true, we stoners come in all shapes and sizes, even as the great swimmer that ever lived, I love that line.
I say let’s boycott Kellogs and make them feel the rath of pissed off stoners.
Once again, go Joe!
Mr Rogan,
a big thank you for writing this atricle, and for illustrating exactly how outdated the laws on marijuana use are. Does everybody know that the pharmaceutical companies are trying to synthesize marijuana? They know and understand its’ medicinal effects but are trying to package it to make money. I dont know about anyone else, but if I can take something in its natural form as opposed to its synthesized state, Id’ prefer to be au natural. But, it doesn’t stop there. How many people in the law enforcement, penal, and judiciary industry would suddenly be looking for work? How about the people who own the prisons? Which political party are they going to give their support(money) to? Why, the person who will put more and more people in their prisons, resulting in a larger campaign donation for that political party. The whole thing just sickens me. Another reason why I love living in Canada!! You dont get thrown in a Federal prison. Federal! I’ve been caught more times than I can remember puffing a gagger behind a bar, at a concert, the Montreal Jazz fest, etc and the cop says , put it out, go back inside, even they understand what a non- issue it is.
Thank you for coming out and saying it, I truly believe when more people step forward unafraid of the labels placed on them(burnout, wastoid) or the stigma associated with cannabis use and proudly exclaim,”I fuckin love this shit”, the world wil be a better place. Lastly, one of the most joyous occasions in my life was when I taught my Father how to smoke out of a bong!!! Try the Derban Poison mumann, delicious.
Again, my thanks.
I just have to say that Joe Rogan Is The Shit [http://joerogan.istheshit.net/]
As was probably posted already, it’s a tad disingenuous for Kellogg to alienate the primary consumers of their products.
Finally a sane commentary on this whole idiotic mess. Thanks for exposing this for what it is and showing how the “pot” is calling the kettle black. I hate the fucking Toucan and that Tiger!
[...] but this post from his blog is hilarious/true. or hilarious because it’s true. here is the link to the original, and I’ve posted it here for your ease of use. like t-bone’s [...]
well it doesnt suprise me that a company that sells flakes of of dried sugar and pullverized corn as a nutrious breakfast, and also sells a more popular sugar frosting coated version of this dried corn sugar paste(in flake form), make as flaky a decision as to fire a person for smoking a joint, maybe I’ll and kellogs to a list of my many boycotted producers not to give my money to. But to be a consumer of so many useless and nutritionally void products, its no womder tis subject shocks people as well as intrigues them. what intrigues me is why people don’t even care where there money goes and what they get for it, they simply try to acquire what they desire and that seems to be the end of their consideration of the situation. … Just a thught.
Thanks Joe!
Aye, that be some fine work there Mr. Rogan. You be a muthfukn hero!
Proud to be a stoner!
Huge fan from Nova Scotia Joe, love your acts, your general philosophies on life, and especially your ability to articulate your knowledge of the fight game. Gotta be one of, if not the most intelligent performers out there. This letter is brilliant, keep it up mang!
unbelivale blog joe,
eveything was so well put.
I’m so hungry right now after reading that
Hell yeah kelloggs are assholes but there probably just firing phelps to maintain there reputation of being all good and child friendly =/. Eating 4 eggos high?, c’mon Joe, try eggo & vanella ice cream sandwhichs blazed, THOSE are the best, next to fruit roll ups & furit by the foot. And train wreck is pretty legit, i have some sour D rite now, its so nice.
I beg to differ Joe. However, some of your comments are true, there are also some that are false. First and foremost, Phelps was not necessarily fired because he broke the law, it’s more so that he is an icon to children. Most contracts that use celebrities to represent their products, with Phelps included, have stipulations against them engaging in activities that may cause them to portray a negative image (such as drug use) to their consumers. Phelp’s is to be portrayed as a child icon, someone who children can look up to. It is in Kelloggs best interest to rid themselves of anyone who does not portray the picture perfect, all American image that they so sought after.
I for one am for legalization of Marijuana, and find it for the most part harmless to anyone who uses it responsibly, and in the comfort of their own home. However, you should read the “real death of Bruce Lee” and then reevaluate you statement that Marijuana has never killed anyone. Here is the link to The Bruce Lee Story, the one that Hollywood so dramatically altered… http://www.jkdstreetdefense.com/bruce-lee-death.html
- Van
Probably the best defendant letter I have ever read in my entire fucking life. I don’t even smoke marijuana but I can honestly say, you have those bitches cornered with NOTHING to say, great job!
Well put Joe,
Why is it that this society continues to let themselves be pushed around by these corrupt politicians. They tell us crystal meth is a terrible drug (and it is), then turn around, tone it down a little and rename it Adderal, then sell it to our children with “ADD”. They tell us opium ruins lives then they purify it into morphine and sell it to us in our hospitals and do the same with marijuana. Isn’t the definition of a schedule 1 drug “for no use, scientific or recreational”? This country has become so soft we allow our corrupt leaders to tell we the people that we cannot grow a plant in our own backyards and us it as we see fit. Joe, we need more people with your balls and your status to give us little people the courage to stand up for justice, to liberate those 100,000+ inmates serving time for marijuana, and to tell our leaders and corruption will no longer be tolerated here.
[...] Joe Rogan’s Blog Entry sets Kelloggs on its ear [...]
I agree this was blown way out of proportion. When i first hear the big WHOO-Haa about this i wondered what the media responce would have been if Usain Bolt was found smoking a big fatty. Probably absolutly nothing. How back can pot be if the greatest athlete of our times smokes it.
[...] .[this is an awesome read]. [...]
Nice and true open letter Joe. I liked it:=)
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