Tomorrow I’m headed into the guts of the filthy empire of Los Angeles to do the editing on my upcoming Spike TV comedy special.
As I’ve gotten older and seen more and more evidence that very little of our society is well planned out, the less I’ve wanted to be in LA. I’ve talked about getting out of here on the blog, and I’m in the process of making that happen as we speak. My goal is to be gone by this summer.
There’s some great things about LA; great restaurants, great comedy clubs, you can pretty much find anything you’re looking for here, but the sheer volume of humans is absolutely suffocating.
It was bad when I moved here 15 years ago, but now it just seems ridiculous. 5 lanes on each side of the highway, stopped dead for miles in both directions at 3 in the afternoon.
There’s no rush “hour,” it’s more like a block of time. It starts around 3 pm, and often lasts until after 7. In the morning it’s jammed up like that from 6:30 am until 10 on a good day.
The big question, of course, is that if it’s this bad now, what’s it going to be like 15 years from now? Is there even going to be an LA 15 years from now? If you look at it realistically, all empires crumble. All civilizations fall apart. They always have in the past, so why should we believe that this one is going to be any different? It might be a natural disaster that fucks the whole scene up for us, or it might be some man made insanity that lays it to waste, but either way the odds are eventually that it’s going to fall.
Maybe someday when the cycle of humanity has completed another course, and the newly industrialized survivors 25,000 years in the future have reinvented all of man’s great current discoveries and are laying the framework for a new city, maybe they’ll find the ruins of what was us.
Maybe by this time virtually all of our records will be in a digital form, and as soon as the shifting of the magnetic poles causes chaos and death all over the planet, and the solar storms cause all of our satellites to be useless, all we’ll have left is memories.
Maybe someday they’ll be digging the foundation for a building and they’ll dig up a long abandoned dildo shop, and scholars from the future will debate the role of the rubber cock in this mystery society.
They’ll probably see the stars on Hollywood boulevard and think those names are of Gods and Kings. Perhaps they’ll study it in school, and entire classes will be taught on the legacy of King Ryan Seacrest.
Maybe whatever happens to us will be so fucked up that virtually nothing remains.
What’s really incredible about LA, and all of the crowded cities in this country for that matter, is how relatively new everything is. Sometimes we forget that just 400 years ago there was nothing here. That’s fucking incredible when you really think about it. The entire continent was basically wide open, and within 400 years we’ve got it stuffed full with 300,000,000 people and an endless supply of shitty congested cities.
Tomorrow I’m gonna wade through the bullshit and head on down to the editing studio of the director of my Spike special, my good friend Anthony Giordano. Anthony and I have worked together for the past 7 years for the UFC, so it was a perfect fit to have him direct the Spike special.
He’s already come up with this really fucking cool animated opening segment of the special that I can’t wait to show you guys. It’s that alien head logo I have, but it’s a space ship hurling through the universe. It’s fucking completely bad ass. As soon as I can, I’ll put a video of it up here.
I’m also going to be shooting some video of tomorrows sessions, so we’ll have a little video blog going on this week too. I’m so fucking amped for this special to come out.
I really think it’s the best thing I’ve ever done by far.
I’ll be sending twitter updates throughout tomorrows session with photos, so if you’re bored check out the twitter feed and follow me. I update that quite a bit lately.
If you’re in the Southern California area this weekend I’m performing at the Improv in Brea, CA. All the information is available on this site by clicking on the dates section at the top of the page.
Joe, you should rock out to Tool’s Ænema as you are flying out of LA for the last time to your new home. That would be perfect.
I have been saying america is crumbling for a long time, and we’re no different than civilizations that proceeded us. It seem that the way our cities have been made, once their are roads, and homes, and building erected, that when the our abandoned or considered useless those communities aren’t rebuilt. Leaving undesirable areas, and decay that will only spread, as nature takes back what is rightfully their property. I’m a former flight attendant, and realized we haven’t made any advances in commercial flight times for over forty years, it still takes 6 hours from NY to LA gate to gate. With the demise of the Concorde several years ago, and the only planes that are being manufactured are double decker aircraft to increase passenger revenue, it’s more about money than new aircraft technology. Look at our military, still flying planes from the 50’s as if we don’t have Boeing the world’s first successful airplane maker. The world (banks) powers here on earth are doing as they wish to show that they are the real God’s of this earth.
I agree about empires crumbling, but I see the US as the empire. I left LA almost two years ago. I recently wrote a blog about all the things I miss about LA… the only things i don’t miss are the traffic and pretentious Hollywood crowd. I had to leave, though, to realize the things I love… like the beach and the sunsets, perfect weather, diversity (albeit in segregation), access to aspiring artists (musicians, comics, actors), the hollywood bowl, the best mexican food. Anyway, I hope wherever your path leads you, you find content. Someone once told me “wherever you go, the skies are the same color blue.” i’m still trying to figure out if that’s true.
I’ve never been to LA and have been really thinking about visiting, especially since you do a majority of your shows out there and would love to see you live. I think the same way you do when it comes to how others will find us once we’ve long gone. How many dildo’s have we found thinking they were just relicks or items “they” used to “worship”. How would they explain us, our culture, what we’ve done, what we’ve accomplished…what would be left? Hope you find a great place that fits you. Home is where the heart is right?
Call me if you need a freelance editor. You have my number, right? Anyway, my Mom told me this funny story about why WWalt Disney got married… let’s see if Ic an remember it…. (I have the flu) Love, Bongo
I am going to be in LA for 4/20, are you going to be having any shows then?
It saddens me to hear that you want to get out of LA(which I can understand) because I am barely going to be moving there this summer. I have lived in Tucson, AZ my whole life but have decided to make the move to California. I also lived in London for 5 months so I have some experience with HUGE cities, but do you have any advice?
Joe,
I can relate, I have lived here for 40 years and it LA has gotten super congested. As a real estate agent I have noticed more people moving away then coming for the first time ever. If I didn’t have a kid in town I would most likely bone out myself.
Off that subject, I would like to hear your thoughts on Mask’s passing.
Also, is there any truth to you and Harrison Ford’s alleged altercation?
By the way, huge fan of your UFC work since the beginning, and I was turned on to your comedy by my brother, and you rock. Not a fan of Fear Factor though…
Mark
Everything crumbles – true, but some cities last a damn long time. There are plenty of cities around the world that are at least a couple thousand years old. Major population centers tend to crumble and rebuild at the same time just transforming themselves and never really fully dying out. LA may well have reached that critical mass such that it truly crumbling just isn’t going to happen without a massive disaster and even then the remnants would likely be rebuilt. Not a good or bad thing necessarily but it just looks like LA is going to exist for a damn long time barring it falling into the ocean
Hey Joe, sorry to throw this somewhere off-topic, but I just saw a story that’s right in your wheelhouse and didn’t know where else to put it:
Chimpanzees exchange meat for sex
Those dirty primate whores!
HAPPY PASSOVER!!! Say hi to Mom for mE!!!! love, bongo
DUDE JOE!!! DID YOU SEE SOUTH PARK LAST NIGHT??? THEY SHOWED CARLOS MENSTEELA STEALING A JOKE!!! AHAHA IT WAS EPIC DUDE CHECK THAT SHIT OUT!!!
Ok first off the Nashville weather was scary as fuck. I have been through several Tornados, Hurricaines, Earthquakes, and some pretty fucking severe flooding. But the most scary of them all is a Tornado. When you see how random, and powerful they are it will make you crap your pants for certain. With the others you know you are getting douched (everyone gets an earthquake) but Tornados are Nature’s suprise party.
NOW the part about the swinger dude made me piss myself a little… Joe that was one of the funniest blog posts I have ever read. I was once invited to a swinger party, but the ballsack did not tell me what kind of party it was. My (ex) wife and I show up and all the way home I get reamed by that bitch. At least he warned you.
Looking for you in Ontario, i MIGHT make my buddies drive to Brea to see the shows there. I do have stupid shit to do that day though. Sorry I missed you in Nashville, but the UFC and Rogan standup in one week? My wife would kill me from jealousy..
I agree with you that mankind has planned very little of our societies. We just live and this is where it has gotten us. But you make an interesting comment on this blog.
You mention this continent was pretty much empty 400 years ago. This is partially true… it was devoid of European Culture. However, there were thousands of Native American cultures living in this land. To disagree is to ignore their lives and history.
But…. fuck LA.