Today I went to a Renaissance fair for the very first time. I had seen them in movies, like in the hilarious “Role Models” but I had never actually personally witnessed the majesty that is a giant, fenced off area with thousands of dorks pretending that it’s 500 years ago.
Now, I want to be clear that when I say “dorks” in no way do I use that word with a negative connotation. Some of the finest people I’ve ever met in my life were dorks. I certainly have been guilty many times of being a dork myself, and I personally think it’s an honorable distinction. It’s far better to be true to yourself and be a dork than it is to be wishing you had the balls to be one.
I’ve done many dork-worthy things in my day, like for instance I was once in an online “Quake” clan where we would not only play online, but we would meet up from all around the country, hook all of our computers up and play each other in the same room and still refer to each other as our online screen names.
For real. That shit’s pretty fucking dorky.
If you were in denial I guess you could try to argue about video game addicts being dorks. You could point out how cool the games look, or how exciting they are to play, but the bottom line is that if you’re holed up in a room with a bunch of other dudes holding in a wicked mountain dew piss and screaming out in excitement because “CraZe” just gunned down “ReSDog” you’re a fucking dork.
It ain’t a bad thing, but it is what it is.
This Renaissance fair shit however, makes THAT kind of dorky just step aside and bow down with amazement. It’s so ridiculous that it’s absolutely magnificent.
It is a public orgy of group fantasy. A strange, and seemingly unlikely event where thousands of people agreed to gather together to play make-believe for weeks at a time. And they all even agreed on the time period.
Logically, it doesn’t seem like something that would catch on, but it sure as fuck did, and from the looks of it, most of the freaks there were having a pretty good god damned time. I watched as people in their fifties got out of their cars dressed up like Elizabethan nobles with huge smiles on their faces and a spring in their step as they quickly headed towards the gate, eager to join the gang bang.
I was thinking, “when the fuck do these people ever get this excited about anything other than this?”
Now, the whole Renaissance fair thing seems like a funny subject for a scene in a movie, but there’s virtually no way that can compare to the actual real thing happening right before your eyes – especially when you’re higher than Tommy Chong on the moon. Now, I knew that a lot of people there would probably be talking and acting like they’re from the time period, but the sheer number of participants was just overwhelming. There were thousands of people there, and at least 50% of them were dressed up and in character.
“My lord, doth thou not enjoy this fine day of song and drink? Let us raise our goblets and toast to another day thou art above ground! Huzzah!!”
He raised his silver goblet, and I touched it with my diet pepsi. You go, boy.
I ain’t hatin’.
It’s kind of weird to me how one period in time got the Lion’s share of all the fairs.
There’s no cavemen fairs, or Dynastic Egypt fairs but there’s a hundred and fucking eighty Renaissance fairs in this country alone. That’s pretty crazy considering that the history behind this shit occurred overseas. If they have 180 of these things here, how many of them do they have in England? It must be borderline obscene.
I watched these people move from group to group, going up to each other and exchanging in-character greetings. They even played out these little improvised scenes where some pretended to be kings while others were wenches and servants and what have you. They weren’t doing it for an audience either. They were doing it for themselves. They were just getting off on pretending.
I stopped and thought about it, and although I have absolutely nothing against these nice folks, I do think that participation in these fairs should limit your employment possibilities. Like for instance; you can’t be a Renaissance fair enthusiast and also be the vice president of the United States.
Not that you have to be perfect to be the VP – clearly you don’t, but we’ll only allow so many personal flaws. You can be addicted to golf, or have a reputation as an adulterer, or have been a problem drinker in the past, but you can’t be in a parking lot in Temecula dressed up like King Arthur yelling out orders with a turkey leg in your hand. That’s just way too fucked up.
There’s nothing wrong with some harmless pretending, but if people find out that’s what you’re into, no one is gonna want you to perform their brain surgery. And can you blame them? We all know that people occasionally wind up with jobs they’re not supposed to have, like bullies becoming cops or trannys selling make up, so when you find out that the guy flying your plane through a storm spends his days off dressed like a jester, you’re allowed to get freaked.
I was amazed at how well these people stay in character. Most of them were excellent at it. In one interesting moment an old lady broke character and started complaining about her husband not taking his medication, and her friend who had probably heard this boring shit a thousand times in the past stayed in the game and played dumb. “I know not of what you speak of. What is this “prescription” thou refereth to?”
Well played, fake prostitute from 500 years ago, well played. Good for you, keep that selfish bitch in check. Who the fuck does she think she is shitting all over your awesome make believe party with her real life problems. Save that shit for the walk back to the car, cunty.
It made me think, I wonder how long people could keep acting like that? If there was a reality show, and the last person to stay in character won a million bucks, how long do you think people could hold out for?
If they were all living in a house together, and they have to do everything and say everything as if they were living in the 1500′s – how long do you think people could hang in there? That would be a real mind fuck.
I wonder if it would ever just become the new way you think and talk after a year or so.
I bet if the show got popular enough it could even spin off into a new sect of society that choses to live and act like a Renaissance fair 24/7/365. Maybe they could all pool their money together and buy an island where they can all live the dream together.
Weirder things have happened.
As usual, your unique way of looking at life in an honest way is hiarious. I’m sitting here drinking my morning coffee and reading your blog. Suddenly I have to get up and find a towel to dry off my keyboard because I spit coffee all over it in a fit of explosive laughter. Keep it up, Joe. I’m addicted.
Dude, you’re a weirdo. I hope your baby had fun. (Aren’t those places the freaking best? Are you sure you went to one? And it was in real life, not on the computer? You prolly just googled one. …) Oh anyway, PBS had a relaity show on that I watched years ago called colonial house where people has to live like pilgrims. Luckilly, I don’t think they had to go through winter. anyway, have a nice day…. love. bongo
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/colonialhouse/
Okay so anyway that person stole my joemama knock knock joke…. but don’t worry… I have a better one…. that I never told you….
Anyway… this blog reminds or somebody’s webcam show…. I can’t quite remember…. Hm…..
Joe thats pretty funny shit, those people are a little odd if you know what I mean. I can only imagine being there after half a dozen bong rips and a jug of mead. When you comming down to SD. You should set something up at PB bar and grill. Oh by the way did you ever get ahold of our buddy in Boston???
Oh you twittered every time you took a poop that day but forgot to mention the renaissance fair? I knew you googled it. FAKER>
I never…EVER read Blogs. Nevermind contribute to one. It’s funny you post this topic because this subject has recently interested me. My new hot neighbor’s roommate right next door to me is a seamstress who specializes in these outfits. She makes them world wide and orders come through her website.
I think she got a litle pissed because my interest in this very specific “niche” went beyond the ‘normal’ amount of conversation during our date like;
“who ARE these people?”
“What do they do with these gowns during normal day-light hours?”
“Is this a cult…do they sacrifice children at the end of it this fair?”
“do they know at some point this is borderline clinical behaviour?”
Thank you Mr. Rogan for painting such a descriptive description of this “lifestyle”.
I’m good not ever going….well…maybe just once
Joe–
What I like about you is that you are so excited and enthralled about life. And you get the fact that we are so lucky and fortunate to realize consciousness on this planet, at this time, in this dimension.
Come to Austin–the land of Alex Jones.
Thanks Joe, that was fun!
However, you can be VP and still be a Renaissance Fair enthusiast.
Biden’s got a pair them boots, trust me.
(They take 6-months to make, for crying out loud.)
I’ve only been to one R.F. It was a fun way to spend a Saturday, yet I don’t think I would have the energy to keep up the doth stuff all day long.
I passed on the giant drumstick, but did have some good beer and bought a cool kaleidoscope.
But, my favourite part was watching this guy who walked around with his pet llama offering rides to the little kids.
He would yell, “llama, llama, llama ride…”
(Dork rhymes with spork, btw)
Hey Joe – I’m hearing you talking metaphysics on the Adam Corolla show, and you poised the question about whether or not our human specialization and brutality is a natural product of evolution. That’s basically the argument put forwards by Howard Bloom in “The Lucifer Principle” – it’s a great read, and if you hadn’t read it already you should check it out.
Here’s the wiki so you can do your own research: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lucifer_Principle
I’d want to add as personal observation, just because it’s natural doesn’t mean its good. I personally think a constant reexamination of the concept of “good” is an evolutionary process too…
Oh, if you’re ever in Eugene Or and want to share some of your good weed (or try ours!) hit me up. Come by our gym too (NWMA/Megaton), Evan Dunham just got a UFC contract so maybe you know already? He won in London and I think he’s fighting this weekend (hopefully we get to see his jitz!)
Hey Dork. Wanna hang out sometime? (I’ve had it with all these freaking posers….
) Love always, Bongo
Funny shit Joe. I actually went to my 1st rennaissance fair this past weekend too in Escondido CA. Everything that you saw and talked about is absolutly true, crazy how these ppl stay in character hahaahahaha. my girl and I were so high and entertained at the same time….I will mos def be going to another. By the way i saw lots of TA TAS too. COME TO LONG BEACH SOON!
That second photo is of a kick ass band called The Poxy Boggards. They plays not just at the faire, but also at places like the El Rey, House of Blues, and so on. Check out their first video on YouTube – I think you’ll appreciate the sentiment and, based on the stage the photo was from, you wouldn’t have been able to hear them sing it there:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&v=Aovi-kEpui4
Cheers!
That photo is great!…I always wanted to go to one of these things and see what all the hype was about. I wonder if they stay in character all the time. I gotta think some of these people make this there religous jihad haha.
Hey Bongo! Fuck you dude, I know the prices here. I’ll put the hotsauce in your ass! I can totally pose as a semi anonymous dude replying to a post about Ren Faires after hearing Joe on the internet radio if I want to!
From work even!
Sure, I might not have the glam pants of being on a first name basis with Joe (as you seem to be…) Big apology here! Should I refer to him as “Mr. Rogan” instead of Joe? Maybe there is an alias I am not cool enough to know? Wtf?
http://www.stephenwolfram.com/publications/recent/ultimateknowledge/ <Also, this is gold!
Well Joe…
You would be surprised at the range of occupations of the faire participants…
We span all kinds of employment. We have everything from Newscasters to Executives, to Lawyers, to computer security geeks. We have professionals of all sorts. And I do not know many who stay in character during the week. Usually our spouses swat us if we do.
This faire is going strong though, as it is in it’s 27th year.
And, as someone who works there for over the 7 week run, I want to say.
Come Back and play with us again some day!
DRAT! Or Maybe FIE! would be better!
Hey Joe, Ren Faire has been around 47 years, not 27. I just fat fingered it…
come on out and play, drink this time even!
Hey Joe. Looks like a lot of fun. I went to one of those when I was a kid living in brazil (funnily enough). I went to an American school in Sao Paolo and for some reason they had a crazy ren fair on. I remember making a really shitty looking paper mache helmet and thinking it was the shit… when in fact i was a little turd (at age7). Anyways, hope you come over to London soon! Would be sweet to go to one of your shows here. I know you from living in the states for 11 years, but i am sure you are popular in England from Fear Factor. Have you done shows over here before?
That reality show would be hilarious. I’d watch it. I can’t wait to hear people start flipping and cussing each other out in Ye Olde English.
I’ve still never been to a renaissance fair. It sounds like A+ people watching.
holy crap i laughed os hard at this i almost pissed myself
thanks joe
Thanks… I loved this entry and it’s a perfect example of your great writing ability and your keen observation skills—which is what makes you also a great comic.
It’s far better to be true to yourself and be a dork than it is to be wishing you had the balls to be one.
Reminds me of the Dr. Seuss quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
It made me think, I wonder how long people could keep acting like that?
don’t you think people act all the time? especially living in LA, i feel like appearances trump truths. and by appearances i don’t just mean the nice cars, nice houses, and clothes. i mean–how others perceive you. most people in LA act all the damn time. and if it isn’t acting to be something they think everyone else wants them to be, it’s acting the way they wish they were.
i think the difference is that the renaissance fair “dorks” are actually really enjoying themselves.
Joe, a similar movement that would fit in perfectly at the end of your post – Steampunk. Pretty much its a Jules Verne style retro joint where anything and everything is powered by steam, gears, and analog clocks.
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